Reflection

Something clicked.

It was a low beautiful sound that I actually hardly heard.

And than I looked backwards and forwards and sideways either way and saw that little link I felt was missing and which is now helping me start weaving my threads.

Today it's been a beautiful morning.  I felt energized and more loving than usual (for which I am ever so thankful).  I was firm and gentle with the kids and when they left for school, I flew home on butterfly wings because I knew my time had finally come.

After many weeks of knowing my needs but somehow not finding the time to indulge in them, today it was my day.  I sighed with relief when I closed the door and smiled with anticipation.

Because today I did yoga and meditated - a lot! I could string together the many pieces of information I have been accumulating in the past few weeks and I could clearly see my destination, my current position and the way I had to go.

Today, I am proud to say that I am a practising Roman Catholic and a pagan to!  Because God created the universe but Mother Earth nurtures it.  I saw why I can never be vegan but how to eat more sustainably - because meat was meant for special occasions not for every day use.  I saw how my cycle effects every aspect of my being not just when its the time of the month but every single day.  I saw that I should be celebrating the beauty of womanhood not hiding it.  That I am to be more aware of my cycles if I want to be an effective mother and wife and woman.

Today was my day and my soul is soaring to heights I had forgotten.  My heart has expanded so much that it is hurting.  My life is beautiful and I am thankful.

Threads in my hands

Not so long ago I believed I was finally understanding and living life the way it was meant to be.

Now I realise I only hold a few threads in my hands.  These threads keeping multiplying , and eventually to really understand it all I need to weave this beautiful fabric which I can clearly see in my mind.  Only, I do not know where to really begin.

I hold threads in my hand and see how enormous the task I have got is.  The complexity and interconnectivity of life is sweet and simple but at the same time incredibly difficult and complicated.

I will hold these threads tightly in my hands until I can clearly see and understand and finally start weaving a piece of fabric that is worthy of the me I want to be, of the children I want to raise, of the husband I want to nurture and of the family and friends I want to inspire.

I can see it there but it is still out of reach.  I am still learning.  I will forever be learning.  I will learn to continue learning and at the same time teaching so that all can learn and teach others to continue inspiring the beauty of this life of ours.  To love it and hold it tenderly in our hands like the fragile babies that we birth.

I wish you all a loving day on this Valentine's

Maya's 1st day of school

I am alone at home.

It's quite a bereft feeling not having anyone to care for.  My heart, I can feel it hurting.

I am stunned and not yet comprehending.  Maya just said bye.  She had a twinkle in her eye.

After the last few weeks of gripping me fiercely, she just went without a second glance.  Fitting in with her class as if she'd been going since forever.

And I am here in the play room, full of toys strewn all over the place and not sure what to do and where to start.

I am amazed at her because after realising that school was really coming, she took these 3 weeks to come to terms with leaving me and while she hugged me fiercely this morning and told me so she feels better, I think she did more so I feel better.

I used to feel guilt knowing she is going to school and me feeling happy and I laugh at myself because now that it actually happened I am bereft.

A new chapter in our lives.  A string that started to unravel.  I wonder how school will shape her.